I COULD NOT DO THIS JOB
My first viewing of The Devil Wears Prada since the Bush Administration was so much fun I had to share my thoughts on the five star film.
-If I showed up to an assistant to the assistant job interview and had no idea that was the environment I would be working in I would’ve just dipped out as soon as they sent me to Starbucks. No mobile ordering yet so they think I’m out to get the coffee and milk and diapers and then like the tale as old as time I just don’t come back. They’d be confused but I’d be chilling with my new work family in ACTUAL journalism that I studied for.
-One time I was hired to an office assistant position and during the interview I was asked if I knew how to troubleshoot computers and printers. Sure thing! I lied, because I needed a job. Well lo and behold first morning on the job I had to troubleshoot and fix the 3D printer. I don’t know what button I pressed but next thing I knew the printer was smoking. “Oh I’m in trouble… shoot.” Pun humor did not save me that day.
-Favorite Miranda Priestly outfit:
-Favorite Andrea “Andy” Sachs outfit:
-I don’t know how Emily Charlton wasn’t cooked every day for her eye shadow choice. She is LUCKY group chats were not a thing back thing.
- If you’re going to wear vibrant fingernail polish to work it has to match the outfit every day. Maroon and teal??????
-Drake voice: what are you doing, what are you doing?!
- I do need to give Emily Blunt her props for this film because I was told this was her breakout Hollywood film. Great job on the breakthrough performance alongside Streep & Hathaway. Emily Blunt is the Tyrese Maxey to the James Harden & Joel Embiid of the 2023 Philadelphia 76ers.
- 2000s Anne Hathaway y’all
- Miranda roasted Andy so badly for her blue outfit Andy didn’t even comprehend the depth of it. Subject matter roasting to someone who doesn’t understand the subject matter doesn’t end well for the naive receiver. That happened to me at work one time.
-Product Line F had a bad motor on the conveyor belt and the assembly crashed out. Now, that was one of seven active lines we had running that day so if product wasn’t moving we were losing. We had known the motor was going bad and I was asked to source and order it, which I did. Turns out, I got the off brand to the off brand motor that we needed. We would’ve had more horsepower running the conveyor if I had welded Larry’s ass cheeks after he ate a bowl of baked beans to the pump. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “Matt, where is the motor we needed?! The fuck bro?!” I should’ve kept my mouth shut. “Hey my bad on the motor, but I think I can get one tomorrow. I’ll just hop on the Line F train and go get it.” You ever been cooked so bad you had to look words up to see what they meant?
-Conversely, you ever been burned by words that are learned at a second grade reading level? Those are the burns that hurt the worst from a fellow adult, especially a peer or someone I respect. Miranda called Andy “stupid” “clearance bin” “pile of stuff”. Dawg! I would’ve cried too. I might be crying right now a little bit.
-The teal blue backsplash was nice in their kitchenette office area. Maybe if Emily had set up her desk in there she would’ve gone to Paris after all.
- Dude from The Office who tried to get with Pam while she was in art school is in this movie. Fuck that guy.
- Dude from The Dark Knight Rises who showed up to help hostages then immediately got shot down was also in this movie. Him and Hathaway were in both The Dark Knight Rises & The Devil Wears Prada. It seems they both like eerie figures doing things in the present tense.
- Miranda comes into work and immediately eats eggs??? Yea, she’s gassy aF.
- Is that the dude who starred in The Mentalist?
- Nigel’s best tie was his first one. The Menswear guy from social media I think would agree.
- I know Miranda COOKS Emily in her head every day because I am cooking Emily in my head every day since yesterday before I started writing this.
- I think Andy’s character has some mother issues. Indulge me on a path that led Andy to her introduction in this movie… Poor Andy has always chased Mother’s validation. Expecting a boy all the way up until delivery day, the Sachs family was surprised to see baby Andrea rather than baby Andrew. Mother was shellshocked at the son she would never have. So young Andy, the name as close to her son as Mother could get, spent her youth seeking Mother’s approval through the moving goal posts. Athletic awards, academic achievements, and advanced accomplishments were never enough for Mother. Alliteration didn’t bring approval either. Having conquered the small Midwest town Andy called home, she applied and was accepted to the top schools in the Midwest, where she ultimately chose Northwestern University on a full ride journalistic scholarship. Andy quickly shot up the university ranks, taking an eight semester residency on the Dean’s list and trailblazing through the prestigious journalism school. Andy’s collegiate peak came when she found herself in the middle of a union busting janitorial dispute. Oddly anti union, when Andy told Mother of her reporting she scoffed at the disassembly of organized labor. Crushed, yet still determined to find matriarchy approval, Andy fled for the bright lights of New York City, and with it a fresh environmental start in the same approval simulation. Father fought against the move. He couldn’t bear for his one daughter to leave for he too sought Mother’s validation. He had thought of that infamous February 29th night every day for the last 25 years. Mother, lusting for a powerful brute, found a man named Bane. They made love for one night only before Bane disappeared on a secret mission. Mother’s attention never came back to Father. So he poured his love and wallet into his daughter, fighting for her own independency and clean slate. Upon hearing Andy was in need of help, Father sprang to New York. When their dinner was cut short and he was left in the middle of the street for a cheesecake that needed to be delivered to some twins, Father felt more hopeless and abandoned than ever before. That is when he met a gentleman by the name of Robin who looked a lot like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They were also on a mission to round up the remnants of Bane and all of his goons and remove them from sewers of the city. Only father knew of Bane’s true love and one weakness, therefore Robin was only searching for one person to bring justice home. And that’s how you build a The Devil Wear Knight Rises Prada universe. I already have a few people in mind we can cast.
- EMILY IF YOU DON’T KNOW SOMETHING STOP TALKING! There is a trip to Paris on the line girl!!!!
- The bigger the bangs the more committed Andy got to her role.
- Love Love Love the color in this movie. One of many subtle features that make this movie a 5 star
- Purple nail polish…
- Busting too much ass to be second assistant and underpaid.
- The fuckin Mentalist keeps showing up omg.
- Gisele Bundchen is in this movie. What a great segue that is to talk about Tom Brady. That is a great segue to talk about P. Diddy. You ready? OOOOooo (in the Zoey 101 key)
- P. Diddy if you haven’t heard has been in the news recently. He famously hosted several summer white parties which were notorious for A list celebrities donning white, snorting white, and drinking white. A famous and frequent visitor of those parties was QB12 Tom Brady. We now know a lot of freaky shit happened at these freak off parties after the for-cameras white party. Meek Mill was a frequent attendee of these parties. Meek Mill is weirdly buddy buddy with Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, the team Brady quarterbacked to 6 Super Bowl victories, and white party attendee himself. Brady was also immediately granted the prime time analyst role on FOX for the impending NFL season. Who owns Fox? Rupert Murdoch, who happens to have a long armed connection to all these people. I think Brady did some really really freaky shit at or involving these P. Diddy white parties. Because of the people that were involved and the icky secret stakes, Brady was silently granted protection from the elite through a comfy cable TV seat and then ownership within the NFL elite ranks. Now initiated with other elite slime, the secrets remain secrets and the Raiders remain 5-12 but optimistic for the future. Oh, Mark Davis, the majority owner of the Vegas Raiders, very checkered past as well to say the least.
- It would be cool to go to a fashion show one time to experience the energy.
- Anne Hathaway boujeed out in full makeup and wardrobe contrasted to Meryl Streep in no makeup and basic, for her standards, house clothes, during the scene discussing Miranda’s divorce was beautiful in imagery and felt like an homage to old guard and new guard, or a passing the torch of sorts. It also served as the perfect character arc checkpoint. One of my favorite scenes of the movie.
- Floral department gets an A+ and a raise.
- Love the dad vibes from Stanley Tucci in this role and his acting career.
- Toe Ring sighting
- CORRECTION- my favorite Miranda Priestly outfit is her announcement that she is in fact a Bengals fan:
- I saw an interview clip from body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards on the importance of perceived confidence in relation to the distance from one’s ear to their shoulder blade and I didn’t expect that to help me get a better understanding on fashion than what I knew beforehand but here we are.
- Dawg, I’m CRUSHED! Why would she do that to Nigel!… Shut up! I know it says the devil in the name of the film!
- Too blonde and too hairless to be that muscularly undefined in a towel. Little Mentalist doesn’t get the picture! (read that line again in a Trump voice)
- Hey it’s that TikTok sound!
- GIRLFRIEND! You cannot just quit while you are still in Paris. How are you getting home???
- Teal fingernails. At least it matches the eye shadow this time.
- Emily talking shit to the new girl while crutching around. Girl stfu. Walk over here and say that to me.
- I’d be pissed too if you quit on me and then waved freely to me from across the street. Elite troll job.
- GREAT ENDING