Algebra II And The Loophole Within
How one man beat the odds and passed his high school math class
The story I’m about to share happened back in the yesteryears of high school. But before I begin, a sample spoon of background context is required.
I was on the job hunt post transplant and decided to email a trusted source for some resume advice.
This isn’t your ordinary, run of the mill person I’m emailing for help. They sit high atop the power rankings of the Smartest People I Know list. They have worked for folks who’s name carries immense power across the world and lived in metropolitans in different timezones across the country.
So I am emailing them humbly. I respect their time and don’t want to waste it with a junior varsity resume. Then my silly ass (as you will see below) just decided to word vomit in dude’s inbox. There really was no valid reason to do that besides the need to get a great story recorded for history purposes. Professionally, it probably wasn’t the best move to make. But for weird, niche storytelling I think this is exactly what the situation calls for.
They emailed me back immediately. No resume advice, though. I still remember the message:
“Sorry for the fast response but I need to move on from this quickly before my appointment. I am not sure what this is, but if this is your cover letter you need to start over.”
I did not get that job. Probably because I submitted the story below as the cover letter just for shits and giggles.
Alas, shooters shoot. I’m here now.
______
I hated math in high school. It never came easy to me. Naturally, I wouldn't put much effort into the classes. Algebra 1? Took me 2 years to complete. That was the class during which I beat Pokemon Blue on my Gameboy Advance and *that* only took one school year. Geometry? That’s when the alphabetical seating chart had me sitting around all babes. Didn’t learn a thing.
I had the same teacher for both geometry and algebra 2, which followed the former. It took until my junior year algebra 2 class before I found the loophole of all loopholes and shattered the system and everything we know of it from within.
Our class had 'chapter quizzes' and 'unit exams'. Quizzes ran weekly, worth 40 points. I never tried on these for one particular reason: my teacher always reviewed the quizzes in extreme detail after the red grading ink dried. These extreme reviews following the dismissal bell were a direct pipeline into what was going to be on the 100, sometimes 125, sometimes 150 point unit exams. By tanking the 40 point quizzes (let's say anywhere from 25/40- 32/40), I opted for additional, more direct teaching from the prof. This eased my horrible test taking anxiety and helped backload my knowledge and confidence on future Algebra 2 endeavors.
Editors note: I am reviewing this the following day and realized this might have been the first time I acknowledged my mental health needs. Even before mental health was a ‘thing’, it was a thing. Find Help Here :)
So Matt, what you're saying is that you lost the battle to win the war? That approach seems pretty shortsighted considering there's 16 weeks in a semester and if you average a 29/40 for 12 quizzes that's 132 points you're losing out of 480 possible quiz points. There's no way you recuperated 132 points over 3 exams???!?!!?!
Well, you're not wrong. There's not enough points on the theoretical Tetris board to move around that would legitimately allow me to save the 132 points on the exams I needed to ace the class. But call me 30for30 because what if I told you I found a second door? One that unlocked the back gate to sneak my way into an A?
I was a junior in high school during the 2008-09 school year. Late summer leading into that school year the Olympics were happening in Beijing, China. To kick off the year, our teacher challenged the class to a trivia game that called for us to silently write down how many sports we could think of that were in competition, what the current Olympic medal count was of the top three countries on that school day (Thursday), and what the projected total medal count was for the United States. Every correct sport guessed (28 total) was worth two bonus points in our grading ledger, the current medal count answers were worth five bonus points and the projected US total was worth 12 points. That's a total of 83 bonus points that could be cashed in at any point during the year if answered correctly. The one caveat being every numerical guess had to be exact and the sports had to be accurate. No horse shoes and hand grenade rules. If that confused you, allow LeBron James to accurately reflect your feelings.
I imagine most teachers would think an average student would get 15, maybe 25 bonus points as a reward for this fun little back to school icebreaker. That's a pretty nice gift from any teacher. S/O Mrs. Carson for being in a giving mood to start the school year. I respected her intentions.
But I was built different.
In this same summer I was SUPER into the online trivia website known as Sporcle.com. I was the Kobe Bryant of that website and I locked in on the sports section.
What happened to be a trending topic that summer? And what website uploaded new quizzes daily about various topics such as Olympic sports played, medal counts, and American athletes abroad? That's right, I combined the timing of the Olympics with my obsession of Sporcle trivia and turned it into… a lack of a social life! What I lost socially I gained back in excessive Olympic knowledge and *that* is the only important part about the story at hand.
As you can imagine, I easily got all 83 points. Editors note: the projected US medal count was a layup if you paid attention to the morning news channel we were forced to watch every morning. Anyone else out there start their school day with Channel 1? Ultimately I combined those 83 bonus points with the improved knowledge and swagger acquired from one on one teaching to help me save the 120 points I needed from the exams to cover for my tanking AND THEN SOME. I was able to use my leftover bonus points to cover missing points in other areas of class.
Not so fast, you say? I know what you're thinking, Matt. It's so easy to cheat your way through this pure, unadulterated trivia game. Any high school kid with a smart phone can Google their way to every answer discreetly. Ha! Got ‘eeeeem. The iPhone debuted in 2007 and it only faintly caught my radar by the time the 2008 school year rolled around. That's not even mentioning the huge$500 price tag that came with a new phone and I didn’t have enough money to buy lunch.
So yea, I had no help. I just had that dawg in me. At least that's what I tell myself these days. I ended up finishing with a 97% in the class. I lost irretrievable participation points for the amount of detentions I got for talking. I can’t recall today all the minute numbers I memorized from timed hyper-repetition but I do remember on that trivia day the stars aligned perfectly and for one class period on a Thursday afternoon, I was King.
Other Weekly Matter-ings
Fantasy football, office pool and survivor leagues are all back! I dabble in all three realms. Read here about how fantasy sports weave friends together more than you might think.
If you’re familiar with popular memes then at one point I imagine you’ve come across the unfinished horse drawing meme:
This meme has come to resemble anything that starts incredibly well and slowly fades into a subpar, bad ending. Moving forward, I will be constructing an “All Unfinished Horse Drawing” team. As always, send in your additions and the list shall grow! Below are the debuts:
-Game Of Thrones (HBO)
-You (Netflix)
-Ironman 3 (Disney+)
Homana Homana Homana Homophone Update
I am very happy to say we are up to 193 sets of homophones submitted! Not only that, we have raised $280 for the Greater Cincinnati Children’s Foundation! That is what I am most proud of. I will be taking donations and word submissions until I hit 200 sets of homophones. Please consider donating!
Weekly Mookie Update
Our old man (14) took a personal day from all the napping he does and enjoyed a long overdue haircut at grooming salon. The veterinarian also sent him out the door with optimism and smiles. He looks good and knows it.
